I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I need to align my fucking chakras
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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