either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he shaved USA in his pubs
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize