dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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