If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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