Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
