Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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