this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
