Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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