I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
