haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize