don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
