The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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