i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
