Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
