i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
