just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
