You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize