i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
