I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
