...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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