My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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