All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
