that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize