I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
