Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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