just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
