I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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