After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
