I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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