The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
do nipples grow back?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize