So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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