For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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