I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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