So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
