Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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