Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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