I need help removing her.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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