Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
