Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The uberlube is also flammable
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
