my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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