You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
