Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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