I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
