only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
