Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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