when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
