I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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