Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
