Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
