One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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