Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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