There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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