broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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