i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
