one word: firstdatebathroomanal
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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