I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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