i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
