I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
