Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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