Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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