You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
