The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
