Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
