there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
