So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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