you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
