peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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